A teenager in mordor the original
by Annoying Brat
Summary: Its back, not a word changed.For those who loved it before and despared when it dissapeared, it is now back! Pure stupid humour, ENJOY!
1. Default Chapter

A Teenager in Mordor

Disclaimer: the idea for this story, plot, or lack of to be perfectly frank, and teenager who has yet to be named but will be soon, belong to ME! Everything else doesn't. You want details? Fine!

Characters

Settings

Bad-guys

Deodorant

Names

Places

Half of the general idea 

Toothpaste

Throat lozenges

Sherbet and lots of other stuff I have yet to think of ISNT mine! So no suing, unless you like the settlement to be paid in lint. That clear? Good!

{Note: for where this takes place in time in the series, I have no idea. It fits in some ware I'm sure of it} 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Saruman read through the ancient text in the unmarked, rather old looking book, flicking through the thick parchment pages.

It didn't help much for him to try and find what he want when the text was in a language that had been dead for longer than he could remember back, and considering who it was hear that was a bloody long time ago.

Trying had brought up a few, _unpleasant_, memories he definitely hoped he could forget again, without the use of alcoholic beverages this time. He may be the most powerful wizard there is, but even he cringed at the thought of the all dreaded morning hangover.

Spying the page he was most likely looking for, he translated the words under his breath, memorizing it once.

Snapping the book shut and placing it onto a pile of other books, most just as thick, if not twice that of the one he was just using, he strode purposefully through the one of the many halls in Isengard. He entered a completely bare room and nodded. This would do well for his purpose. 

Standing himself ready, staff pointed to the centre of the room, Saruman began to chant.

******************

[Place: Earth 

location: Some ware 

More specific: in a house]

"Hurry up Mel!"

"I know I know!" a blue haired girl shouted back downstairs, spraying frothy toothpaste in to the air accidentally.

Mel scowled and spat the rest into the bathroom sink.

Mel, self declared annoyer of the oppressors of this world, lover of sherbet and all things movie based, was once again late for school.

This time she was later than usual, evident by her state she was in. 

Still wearing her pyjamas, a toothbrush in one hand scrubbing hard at her teeth, the other clutching her schoolbag in hand, Mel looked the picture of annoyance and was feeling worse.

"Today is gunna be a bad day" she muttered to herself. Bad days were never good.

If Mel had a bad day, everyone else would end up worse, and Mel was not having a good time at that moment. 

Already she was thinking up unusual ways of pestering her classmates and teachers, somehow involving the school fans and silly string. Special silly string. Special silly string made using her own mystery ingredient, more commonly known as super glue.

Mel grinned sadistically, thinking of the trouble that would cause.

Her grin faded slightly as she heard her mother calling back to her.

"ALRIGHT! I'LL BE THERE IN A SEC! Just let me get changed, unless you want me going to school in my underwear!" Mel shouted back.

She returned to dutifully scrubbing her teeth again, but froze when she realised something.

Someone was still calling, and it didn't sound like her mother. 

It didn't even sound vaguely recognisable.

And it wasn't coming from downstairs.

The toothbrush was frozen in mid brush, shoved halfway in her mouth, which made it slightly difficult for Mel to say what she said next.

"Dat cant 'e good"

****************

Saruman grinned as he finished the spell. There was a sudden bright flash of light from within the centre of the room where the spell had been directed, a rush of wind that sent his robes flapping backwards and a few curious bystanders out in the hall to duck involuntarily as it howled passed.

Saruman stopped dead at what he saw in the middle of the room.

Standing there was the most bizarrely dressed child he had ever seen. 

An overly large, bright blue shirt that dangled passed her knees, sleeves pushed up out of the way. Written on the shirt with glittery silver writing was, 

Angel: 1A a heavenly being 1B: me (except on weekends).

Her hair was short and bright blue in colour, which was quite strange to see. In one hand was a bag clutched tight, the other hand was holding…_something _in her mouth, which was foaming. 

The girl stared right back at Saruman, looking quite dazed by something. 

The onlookers from outside the door peering in stared as well. 

Nothing moved.

A few moments later, THUMP! The bag thudded to the ground from limp fingers, astonishingly loud in the frozen silence.

"WHAT the HELL!?"

_____________________________________________________________________________________

First part back up. ENJOY!


	2. 2

I do not, I repeat, do NOT own most of this story bar the bits that no one else wants. Keep that in mind floks. ENJOY!

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Saruman sat heavily back against his chair, head in hands as he thought hard about this unforseen, problem.

The girl, he had realised pretty quickly, was NOT the result that was expected from his enchantment, and therein lied the problem.

His first reaction was to kill her and be done with it, but then his mind started to work again and pointed out that this accident might be turned around to his advantage somehow. Granted he didn't know how that could be achieved, but the possibility was there.

And there was the fact that the spell was messed up some ware, one that he had to find and correct as soon as possible so next time wouldn't have a repeat performance of this.

If anything, it might amuse him somewhat to study the strange child, who was obviously not from around hear, not from around any wear in middle earth at all by his guess. 

A timid knock sounded on his chamber door, and an ugly green face poked itself inside.

"What do you want?" Saruman sighed, back strait, instantly the imposing figure of a man with great power.

The orc hardly seemed to notice this, which miffed the wizard somewhat, but seemed to be distracted by something.

"It is about the human, my lord" 

"What about her? Has something occurred?"

"Not exactly…but..er…there was an incident as she was escorted, by your orders"

"Yes, I know that, get on with it". 

At a loss of what to do, and unable to think quickly as the teen had first arrived, Saruman did the best thing he could do in his present situation. He didn't like the idea of an unknown child wandering around his tower, and had directed some of the orcs listening in at the door to take her to a spare room and lock her in, giving him time to think of what to do.

The child's reaction to the orcs was, to be frank, unheard of.

It took all of them present by surprise when the girl had lunged forward and tried to violently yank one of the closest face off, muttering something about masks. This was, of course, over the howls of the outraged victim who didn't like at all the fact his nose and ear were being pulled at violently .

She had whacked another in the eye with the strange stick thing in hand, covered in that froth, when he had tried to help his comrade. But enough about that.

"Well, we were doin just that, when she attacked Slugh suddenly for no reason, nearly took his eye out"

Saruman rose and eyebrow in question.

"She was not provoked?"

The orc looked outraged at the though.

"Naw, just up and tried to gouge poor old Slugh's eye. No reason"

"I shall speak to her about this matter".

The orc grinned nastily at his words, and taking it as a dismissal, ducked back out of the room. 

Saruman had an inkling of what might of taken place in this, incident, and rose from his chair to deal with it accordingly.

****************

"Let me out of hear you twisted, but ugly freaks of NATURE!"

Mel kicked at the door with her feet to emphasise her point.

"OW, god damnit!" She hopped about slightly, somehow managing to stay balanced as well as cradle her throbbing foot with her hands. She forgot she was wearing only socks.

The doors she was throwing obscenities through swung open dramatically, sending Mel tumbling to the floor.

In stepped the all powerful, awe inspiring figure of a man who had seen many ages and untold knowledge hidden in his eyes. 

Mel stood up quickly, brushing herself down slightly of imaginary dust.

"Who are you that attacks servants so readily?" The man demanded.

Mel blinked owlishly.

"What?"

"Who are you to attack another in such manners?"

"Erm?" All Saruman was getting from his troubles were very confused looks. He sighed inwardly, deciding to use a different tactic, one this simple persons mind might understand. 

"Why did you attack that orc in the hall?"

"Oooooh" Mel replied in sudden understanding. Saruman was quickly loosing patiens.

"Yes oh, Now why did you?"

"You are referring to the sick, perverted martin who had too many hands than were good for him I'm guessing" 

Saruman nodded, his suspicions confirmed.

"Yes indeed, why did you find it appropriate to try and take his eyes out?"

"Take his eyes out? I wasn't aiming to do that! The thought. Me accused of trying to deliberately inflict bodily harm on another living thing?"

If Saruman would of cared, he might of felt slightly ashamed at the heartbroken look Mel portrayed. 

"I was just trying to scratch them a bit" she replied in a small voice, looking ready to cry.

Saruman looked unsympathetic.

"You believe this to be a just action?"

"Yea" Mel shrugged, all pretence at sorrow and outrage gone in an instant.

Saruman had to give her credit for her acting skills.

"I suggest next time you wish to defend yourself, you do it in a manner that does not involve such outright and open hostility"

"You mean suck it up then stab them in the back when they least expect it, with such subtlety that no evidence of it can be traced back to convict me?"

"That would be best"

"Ill keep it in mind"

Saruman looked at the child curiously. Definitely strange, may be rabid even, remembering the foam around her mouth from earlier.

"Can I ask something?". Saruman nodded.

"What happened and where am I?"

"That information is not for you to know. You can be assured though that you will be safe enough, if you do not disobey me"

"And if I do?" Mel ventured, staring back defiantly. The grin that Saruman suddenly wore made her shiver.

"Then it is safe to assume that things will not be that, pleasant for you hear"

With that rather cheerful note, Saruman strode back out of the room, the doors closing ominously behind him with a final, heart stopping clang.

She couldn't help but snigger slightly as she heard the wizard curse, before jerking the corner of his robe out of the door.

Looking around at her current, but-soon-to-be-escaped-from home, Mel couldn't help but feel a little mystified at what happened. 

"On the bright side, I get out of school"

***************

Mel sat in the middle of the bare room, now changed into more appropriate attire.

"Thank god I had sport today" she mumbled, shoving her pyjamas back into her school bag. 

Appropriate for her that was, bloody strange for anyone else to look at.

A black shirt with _There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line_, written in bold red letters, with matching black trousers.

It helped her blend in with the surrounding walls, something she was grateful for and was going to exploit to their full extent.

It also pointed out how strange she was as well, who'd wear black to sport?

Swinging her bag onto her shoulders, she rubbed her hands gleefully.

"Now to get out of hear"

******************

"Hey narg!"

The afore mentioned orc looked up from eyeing a door curiously.

"Wot?"

"Whats all the racket?"

He shrugged.

"I think the humans trying to kill the door" He winced at a particularly loud crash sounded.

"Or herself"

"alright then"

*****************

"Hey, hey, can anyone hear me out there!"

Narg looked around the deserted hall, not certain if she meant him or no. Considering he was the only one there it was a pretty safe guess.

"Wot?" he asked back.

"Someone IS there, hallelujah, a miracle has occurred"

"Wot do you want?"

"Erm…could you let me out please?"

"No"

"Awww….pleeeassse?"

"No!"

"Pretty pretty please with sugar, icing, sprinkles and a cherry on top?"

"NO!"

"Alright alright, no need to be so mean, Jesus"

There was a silence.

"Could you at least open the door?"

"Why?"

"Cause its hot and stuffy in hear, and I do need air to breath you know!"

"How do I know your not just tricking me?"

"Look, your there to make sure I DO stay in this cruddy room okay? And do you really think I'm smart enough to trick YOU? Thanks, I'm flattered but I really don't think so"

Narg though about this, before agreeing.

"Alright, but no funny business!"

"I wouldn't dream of it" was the reply. If narg wasn't opening the doors at that point, her might of caught the tone used and done the smart thing, changed his name and appearance and moved to Canada.

As it was, he didn't even notice what hit him in the head before he was out cold on the floor.

Mel nudged him slightly with a foot, certain that he wasn't getting up any time soon.

"Wow, who'd think that trigonometry would one day come in handy?" she mused, shoving the overly sized, hard covered book back into her bag.

She peeked out into the empty hall, dragged the limp figure into the room, peeked out again, before sidling casually out of the room and closing the doors behind her, effectively locking Narg in her place.

Glancing about hurriedly, she skipped off in one direction, grinning madly.

"Oh what fun!"

__________________________________________________________________________________

What she gunna do? Going to have to wait to find out I'm afraid. Ideas are quite welcome if you wanna suggest any. Nice little cliff hanger I left on I think personally. Yous can line up over there and wait your turn to ditch fruit at me, but im warning you, I WONT stay still. 


	3. 3

I really like this story! Already three chapters up! This might actually stand a chance of survival! Congratulate me!

Dedications, for all my fans out there, I thank each of yous that reviewed personally.

Eve of mirkwood: THANK you for reviewing. I truly treasure each one I am given.

And maybe she has seen the movies, you never know. Then again maybe she hasn't. And I WILL try my upmost best to annoy/pester and generally drive wizard boy mad.

Sethoz: I try to oblige with your request. Thank you for the review. The story is funny! A miracle! WOOHOO! Hopefully this time I wont butcher the genre.

Addicted: Yes that is a problem of mine, proofreading. I will try and thanks, constructive criticism is one of the best tools a writer can have, so thank you.

Midnight: thank you for reviewing! And the idea…might be useful, but do you really wish to unleash the horrors of the teen upon elrond's council? That would just be too cruel, so bad guys stuck with her for now. But then again…… 

Darkdancer: Never mind about the ideas I thank you for your consideration anyways, but the silly string now…hmm… I forgot about that. Much fun to be had.

Kits: another fan I hear laughing at the screen? WAHOO! Im glad you like it, ill try to keep it funny. And, yes, who would thunk it?

Disclaimer: you all know it, its not mine, not yet, I'm working on that littler detail however *Evil grin* 

Random quote: "A positive attitude will not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."   
Herm Albright. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Saruman was in his chair again, head in hands. Today was NOT a good day. Not since that accident with the spell, which he still had to fix so there wouldn't be a repeat accident. He did NOT want a repeat of that accident.

The first problem was still running about some ware unchecked.

How she had gotten out and switch places with that orc remained unanswered, the orc himself refusing to give a full explanation by stating that he couldn't quite remember. The rather large bump on his head giving merit to his story.

The first clues he had that she had escaped was strange rumours drifting through the tower of some rather odd mishaps.

Buckets of water falling onto the heads of those who opened doors and passed through, of things mysteriously whacking them when nothing was around to do it, annoying songs heard distantly, though no one could get close enough to find the person singing, one somehow got salt in his eyes and ended up on the ground howling in pain, so the girl had obviously found the food storage. 

The truly bizarre one was of small items moving on their own across floors, completely freaking out a dozen or so orcs present with this strange phenomenon. Though this suggested that the place was merely haunted, and could easily be solved.

And those were only within the first half hour.

A small group of orcs grumbled amongst themselves as they passed the doorway, two covered in garbage and a third limping badly while wincing with every step.

Saruman watched them go silently, wondering what had happened to them, then deciding he really didn't want to know.

Listening he heard the distant sound of an annoying song being sung at top volume.

"Super-teen extraordinaire  
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!  
Runs around in underwear  
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!"

The door to his chamber shut suddenly, blocking out the dreaded noise. The beginnings of a headache started to throb. No, today was definitely NOT a good day.

*************

"Rescues Washington D.C.  
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!  
Unless something better's on TV  
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!"

Mel was really beginning to get into the tune of the song, even going so far as to make her own dance moves to go with it, a mixture of the Macarena, the ketchup song and something all her own.

" His brain's overloading  
It has a chocolate coating  
Textbook case for Sigmund Freud  
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!"

The distant wail of despairing orcs didn't put her off, in fact it seemed to encourage her more, judging by the increase in volume to the song.

" Check out Dexter Douglas  
Nerd computer ace  
Went surfing on the internet  
And was zapped to cyberspace

  
He turned into the Freakazoid  
He's strong and super-quick  
He drives the villains crazy  
'Cause he's a lunatic"

The last line was said with extreme enthusiasm, Mel grinning away happily. She paused for sec, listening. 

The sound of distant thudding reverberated through the halls, sounding a lot like something banging itself repeatedly against the wall. Multiple something's . Multiple head banging something's.

Mel shrugged to herself, deciding she had imagined it, before blaring on with the song.

"His home base is the Freakalair  
Freakazoid! Fricassee!  
Floyd the Barber cuts his hair  
Freakazoid! Chimpanzee!  
  
Rides around in the Freakmobile  
Freakazoid! Free-kazoo!  
Hopes to make a movie deal  
Freaka-me! Freaka-you!"

Behind her, some orcs turned a corner and saw her, hands covering ears desperately. They made a desperate attempt to try and silence her, lunging forwards. Mel saw them coming.

"He's here to save the nation  
So stay tuned to this…ouch!.. station  
If not, we'll be unemployed…take THAT freak face…  
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!  
NOT the hair, why you basta…HEY!

Freakazoid!!"

The song finished, she sat smugly on the top of the orcs, who were piled up on one another in a battered heap, some groaning and twitching, others obviously unconscious. Mel didn't even receive a scratch for her troubles and looked quite pleased with herself.

More accurate would be grinning like the Cheshire cat.

"Heh…knocked most of themselves out, running into each other like that" 

She shook her head pityingly and slid off the pile, walking down a corner for more chaos to cause. A few seconds later she ran back, devilish grin on her face with a can in hand. 

__

Hisssss

She sprayed it all over the pile of orcs, before grinning and running off again.

"Oh the wonders of silly string" 

*****************

"So let me get this strait, you do basically everything that all mighty tells you to and get bugger all in return? That bout right?"

The orc being addressed by Mel was furiously trying to escape through subtle and inoffensive means, not very successfully might I add.

Rumours spread quickly in Isengard and he really didn't want to discover nails in his shoes too late, and to prevent that his survival instincts pointed out that purposefully ripping her head off in anger would not go over too well with her, and instead tried his damn best to keep hold of his temper.

Moving from room to room didn't help as the persistent girl followed, even keeping up when he tried to run for it.

"That's slavery you realise, you should try and stop it, or at least ask to get payed for your work"

The orc turned back to face Mel.

"Look! …..girl…" he began, struggling not to call her what he really thought of her, "If anyone was stupid enough to try that, they'd end up dead, replaced by someone else!"

"Wow, so you CAN talk. And hear I thought you were a mute"

The orc growled in frustration, turning his back on her and looking around at his sniggering comrades for help. 

None were willing to cut this entertainment short, not when it was so amusing, so no help was forthcoming.

"What if all of you decided to stand up for pay"

"What?" 

"Well if all of you want the same thing, he cant very much kill all of you for it. He'd be out of workers"

There was a stirring among the orcs watching as they murmured to each other about this.

"So what do you propose we do about it? Walk right up to him and demand he pays us?"

"Its known as a strike. Back home people did it all the time"

"And what happened to those people that did?" Another orc asked, genuinely curious.

"Well, they refused to work until their demands were met. Sometimes it took months, other times barely a day. And they always won in the end. Think about it, if no one's working and refuse to until they get payed, he's stuck in a no win situation. He cant kill you all because then he'd have no one to do the work. If he refuses he still has no one to do the work. The only way HE gets you to work again is to give in to your demands. You get what you want, you win" 

The orcs talked about this new idea, seemingly liking it. Mel, deciding her work was done, walked off , grinning smugly.

She took out a piece of paper and ticked something on it, before stuffing it back into a pocket, skipping ever so slightly, humming slightly under her breath.

"Super-teen extraordinaire  
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!  
Runs around in underwear  
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!"

The sudden number of death glares directed at her back made her stop pretty quickly, at least until she was out of sight of the heavily debating orcs.

***************

Saruman was carefully reading over old scriptures, parchment books and scrolls flooding his desk to the brim, translating the words of the ancient text effortlessly. 

It was blissfully quiet now, Mel tiring out half and hour ago and things were back to the relevant piece and quiet he had began to miss with her on the loose.

He would of tried locking her back in that room with guards to make sure she stayed there, but he found an unexpected bonus, and that was he was rarely bothered at all, the orcs too busy with trying to avoid Mel's tricks. And truth to say some of the rumours he heard were quite amusing. 

So involved in the words before him, he didn't notice the shadowy figure sidle up behind him, looking over his shoulder.

"Whatcha doin Saruman?"

The voice from right next to his ear made him jump in surprise, sending a few parchment pieces scattering.

"I am reading, shouldn't you be in the room?"

Mel shrugged casually.

"Boring. Decided to go exploring."

"Well could you go, exploring, some wear else perhaps? Maybe back in the room you were meant to stay in?"

Mel though about this for a sec, Saruman continued to read from the parchment.

"What's that?"

Saruman looked at what she was pointing to.

"That is the skin of a snake"

"Oh. what's that?"

"That is a cup, and the door is over there if your having difficulty finding it"

"What's that?"

"That is still a cup, now, if you will, could you kindly make use of the door?"

"Fine fine, I just have one last question. If I'm not a hypochondriac but think I am, does that make me a hypochondriac?"

Saruman just looked at her.

"Erm…Ill just …be going now" She stated nervously, backing away, hands behind back.

Saruman shook his head in bemusement as the teen disappeared quickly.

A sudden though struck him as he returned to his reading, something that she had said…what was it again? Oh yes.

He called an orc from within the hallway.

"Keep an eye on the child, and report to me in the evening on what she does, and says"

The orc nodded in understanding, but paused before leaving, obviously wanting to say something.

"What is it?" Saruman demanded, looking bored.

"Me and the other fellas have been thinking. We want pay"

"What?" Saruman looked baffled.

"Were not working, until we get paid for it!" _____________________________________________________________________________________

Oookayy… Some fun is happening. I'm warming into the characters hear, cause in all seriousness, I have no idea how Saruman would react to a typical teen aside from blowing them to smitheries with his all powerful stick thingy, and if he did that hear it would just kill the plot. Ignore the terrible pun.

Suggestions on how to pester him will be greatly appreciated. For the Freakazoid theme song, it's a cartoon series. Never seen it but I like the song. Hehehe…super teen extraordinary…ACK! *Runs from the angry mob chasing her*


	4. 4

Dedications:

Peter: Thank you for the review! AND the ideas. They'll come in handy some place. Hehehe….flaming eye, pointy object….hehehe

Midnight: I'm glad you like the previous chapter, I do try to appease the audience.

Feanen: Thank you for reviewing, I hope this one meets up to expectations.

Amlugwen: yes indeed. Feel VERY sorry for them. I know I do.

Eve of Mirkwood: Hehehe…That's a good one. I could just imagine it too…..

saiyan-girl-cheetah: Is funny how you usually cant picture adults as annoying brats, but then again where do we learn all of our annoyingness off? On the plus side, you have great material to embarrass your father on his birthdays in front of all his mates.

Note: Done a bit of a time jump hear. A day or so after her arrival. And the tone of the story changes slightly, but it will be back to normal.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

__

So cold Mel though as she shivered. _Why so cold?_

The world around her was not as it should be. Everything seemed to be in mist, a thick impenetrable fog that covered everything from view. Light came from all around, a dull glow that illuminated the world but gave no warmth. 

"Well this is weird"

Something glowed through the fog, something red. It seemed to shine from a distance, flickering about like a small flame. 

Mel started to shiver, and it wasn't from the freezing temperatures. 

The hairs on the back of her neck stood up on end, icicles dancing on her spine. She was afraid. Of what she couldn't tell.

Something seemed to be watching her, something not nice. It bore into her soul, laying it bare for all to see. She felt, vulnerable.

Mel didn't like it.

__

I want out!

The surroundings changed in an instant. No longer was she stranded in a fog, unseen things peeing at her. She was at school, during break. 

Surrounded by others, laughing and playing.

__

I thought I got away from this place! She moaned ruefully to herself. There was a reason she hated school with a passion.

"Hey Mel!"

Mel turned, face brightening into a genuine smile.

"Hi Ashley!" She patted her friend on the back, grinning away madly. Ashley grinned back, then began to titter slightly, trying hard to suppress her giggles.

Mel got the uncomfortable feeling she was laughing at her.

"What's wrong?"

Laughter came from others around her, nearly in hysterics over something they found amusing. 

Ashley nodded to Mel's clothes.

"Your not wearing anything"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

*********************

Mel sat bolt upright, breathing hard. Her heart fluttering a million miles an hour. She pressed a palm against her chest to try and slow it.

She glanced around **her **room, nothing stirred. 

Of course it wasn't her actual room at her house, shared by a sister in preschool. It was her room she had claimed as her own in Isengard.

If claim meant evict the other occupants forcefully (Which to be fair were only a couple of rats and spiders), move everything about and create her own cubby-hole with bits and pieces from all over the tower. 

A few previous owners of these items had come back to reclaim them, only to be booted out again on their arse. Since then the room was avoided much the same way a dragon lair was avoided, with less speculation on what the place contained.

One of the main reasons for this was Mel was repudiated to be quite inventive with her traps, and no one wanted to actually test that theory.

Currently her bed was something that could of resembled a hammock strung from one wall to the other, surrounded by other odds and ends that only she knew were used for.

"Just a dream" she murmured, flopping back down in her odd hammock. 

Usually she didn't dream, except for the occasional hand walking mime ruling the world with his army of ice cream furbies one, but those seemed to have disappeared recently.

"Ugh…I bet wizard boy's still up some ware" she mused to herself. 

Instantly the urge to get up and pester him somehow came, fighting against the urge to shut up and nod off. This was reasoned out that whatever she would do now could easily be done in the morning, and was countered by the other stating that she could just as easily get up now and do it, then sleep in.

Sleeping in sounded the preferable option, and the thought of her creeping about at night, rifling through god knows what and uncovering any number of dirty scandals. Mel decided then and there to never watch soap operas again, not liking the effects they had on her mind late at night.

Too late, her mind began to run crazily around the ideas of soap operas in middle earth.

"Ooooh…evil images"

Eventually the chance of really annoying someone won out, if only to stop the plague of scenarios her strange mind created in response to soap operas.

She shuddered at the thought.

***************

The tower of Isengard looked disturbingly like one of those gothic style castles in cheesy horror flicks when explored late at night, and the usual consolation of 'monsters don't exist' didn't hold much comfort. Not when orcs passed you by regularly, nodding in greeting.

Mel stumbled across one who she was trying to avoid, since he hadn't taken kindly to falling hard on his back when Mel tried watering the floor, not in front of others who had found it hilariously funny. And to add injury to pride, by the time he had slipped and slided his way out of the wet area, Mel was already on top of a bookshelf safely out of harms way, tossing the occasional comment, taunt and book at him.

She froze, blinking in shock, an uncomfortable feeling of dread creeping into her stomach. 

"Oh shit"

It seemed like magic. One moment she was there, the next, halfway round the closest corner and disappearing fast.

The orc gave chase.

"Yer not gunna get away this time girly!"

Mel decided to keep her mouth shut and keep breathing, secretly wishing she was good at long distant running and not short sprinting. By the looks of it, this guy wasn't going to give up any time soon.

She glanced behind her and nearly yelped in shock. He was gaining fast.

"Door, door, door, door would be good" she chanted to herself. Skidding around a corner she nearly howled.

"of all things, it HAD to be the STAIRS!"

She ran up them anyways, cursing Murphy for being such a sadistic bastard. 

Reaching the top, she dived into one room, dashed through another, and ran what could of easily been a maze in her mind. _Just don't let their be cheese at the end or arses will be flying!_

She looked behind her and saw the orc still, if all things, gaining.

"DAMN their elven heritage!" 

Now was not the best time for Mel to discover what they had inherited from their family tree, and apparently if it couldn't be looks it had to be stamina. 

Life was cruel, and vindictive.

WHUMPH

"…ow…."

And could read thoughts apparently.

Mel was forcefully extracted from the wall she had seemed to have imbedded herself into, pulled back by her shirt collar. 

She was shaken hard, jerking about painfully.

"What you going to do now? Hu?" The orc taunted, shaking her again roughly.

Mel's brain seemed to rattle inside her head painfully, bouncing about like a grasshopper on a hot grill.

No brainwaves came to her at that moment, no clever remark or idea on how to get out of this sudden unexpected situation.

The orc dropped her roughly and drew a fist back.

"Any last words?"

The sudden thump on the ground dislodged something in Mel, not an idea or desperate miraculous plan, but something else entirely.

"Yea, your shoe laces are untied"

Plain old annoying stupidity.

The orc actually looked, which goes to show that higher intellect was NOT one of the few things that orcs managed to inherit through their genes, more the better for the forces of good. Right at that moment more the better for Mel, who took the opportunity to do something.

Mel was tired, hurt, angry and thoroughly pissed off. She did not appreciate running through Isengard, up a flight of bloody long stairs, running full speed into a very hard wall, before nearly choking to death on a shirt collar and getting beaten to a pulp, and right at that moment she wanted to seriously hurt something.

Her leg kicked out hard. 

The orc fell.

Mel stood up looking smug, dusting her hands slightly. She felt a little better as the orc whimpered in pain on the ground, curled up protectively, his voice an alarmingly high pitch tone.

__

I always thought that was only in movies. Never knew your voice really changed when your balls get kicked .

Mel shrugged to herself, grinning her smile again. 

"What do you know, you learn something new every day" she mused.

She walked off, limping slightly. She winced in pain at her throbbing foot.

"Trust me to kick a hard one!"

**************

Mel wandered around the new floor, examining the rooms in wonder. She had only ever stuck to one level, never having the nerve to try climbing the stairs up or down, and lacking the motivation of a possibly homicidal orc chasing her to get her up them. Why? Because Mel's afraid of heights.

However, once you were passed the stairs, you couldn't tell how high you actually were and it didn't seem too bad. 

Course now she was planning where to build her new room. No way in the seven realms of hell was she going to willingly go back down those steps.

Entering a new room, she looked about and instantly noticed it was different from the others. It had the usual black stone walls and floor of all the others, which Mel really wanted to know where it came from, but out of one wall was carved a throne. 

A rather, evil looking throne.

In the centre of the room, a pedestal seemed to have been carved. Not of any design she knew but definitely suiting the gothic style of Isengard. Something was on top of it. Something covered by a cloth.

Curiosity instantly itched at Mel's fingers as they stretched out to uncover whatever it was.

In one quick tug the cloth was off, revealing the hidden prize.

"A magic 8 ball? What the hell?!"

She looked at the round black rock thing in disappointment. 

"So much for that" she muttered ruefully, tossing the cloth back over it. 

Her hand got a shock as it touched the ball through the cloth, sending her hairs on end. She blinked, poking the ball slightly. Another jolt, though it didn't seemed to be from electricity, but from something colder. A grin appeared again.

"Cool! One of those zapping globes that stand your hair on end!"

She poked it again, giggling childishly at the jolt. 

It kept her entertained for a full ten minuets before something happened that freaked her out. She had left her hand on it for around ten seconds when **something** seemed to flash across her mind. It was an impression of fire, watching. Mel jumped back, shaking her tingling hand. 

She avoided it after that and drifted away into one of the three rooms that branched off from the zapping 8 ball room, as it was now called by Mel.

It looked like a study, filled with books and parchments, a desk covered in it.

"How many of these rooms does wizard boy have? I've already seen five of the bloody things"

One thing about this one that didn't seem to be in the others is that it had an actual window. Mel nearly jumped with glee and ran over.

For as long as she had been there, not a peek had she seen of the outside world, and up until then she hadn't realised how much she missed it.

Her glee turned to sheer terror, eyes widening in horror. If she could of she would of screamed in fright, but when your throat seizes up its slightly hard to do so.

__

High high high high high high high high high high high high high high her mind chanted, stuck on what she was seeing.

Mel wasn't aware of how high up she actually was, and it came as a shock to see things so small below. Her mind tried to understand this but kept rejecting that information as possible, only to try and except it again. The result was her inner voice sounded like a record stuck on replay.

__

High high high high high high high high high high high high high….wait, where did this come from? I could of sworn I was looking out a window just then.

Her eyes focused again, seeing black above. A black ceiling. The next thing she notices was that she hurt, all over.

Groaning, she sat up, and noticed she was on the floor of study room number 6, the window above.

__

Must of fainted, ugh, how embarrassing

Embarrassment soon gave way to the desirable urge to go annoy any and all in sight. Mel liked the sound of that.

Scrambling to her feet, she grinned devilishly and scampered off.

****************

"WHAT in the name of VALAR did you think you were DOING!?" 

Mel nearly cringed at the words blasted at her. 

She would of liked to be hiding right then, preferably under that extremely heavy bookshelf that had a gap that was just the right size for her. The orc holding onto her shoulder made sure that option wasn't possible, though he would gladly do the same thing, even if he wasn't the one in trouble.

An angry wizard was not something he wanted to be on the receiving end of. 

Saruman already looked twice as big as normal, a dark aura welling up around him and giving the wizard a threatening quality.

"Stealing my staff…"

"I didn't know it was your wand, I thought it was a big stick!" Mel defended herself, looking indigent at the thought.

"And I wasn't stealing, I was going to give it…"

"SILENCE!"

Mel jumped at the sound, instantly quiet. Secretly the orc was glad, having jumped as well at the voice of the booming wizard.

"You STOLE my staff, nearly set fire to the tower.."

"That was by mistake! I didn't know you could set the walls alight with a bloody stick"

"TWICE!"

Mel remained quiet, half because Saruman looked ready to burn her to a crisp with his glaring alone, and mainly because it wasn't possible to speak easily through a hand.

The orc didn't release his hold over her mouth until he was sure there were going to be no more comments. He really didn't want to get blasted away by accident, and Mel seemed intent on talking back to Saruman until that happened.

He should of just left his hand there and risk getting bitten.

"How could stone catch on fire anyways?"

"SILENCE!"

"I will not! I want to bloody know HOWAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH….."

The last comment was brought about by the sudden weightlessness of Mel as she was hurled through the air into the ceiling. She gaped like a fish out of water.

"Letmedownletmedownletmedownletmedownletmedownletmedownletmedownletmedownletmedownletmedownletmedownletmedownletmedownletmedownletmedownletmedownletmedownletmedownletmedownletmedownletmedownletmedownletmedownletmedownletmedown…"

The orc wondered idly when she'd run out of breath, slightly in awe at the spectacle. Wasn't everyday someone was pinned to the ceiling by an enraged wizard.

"Why?" Saruman asked, mock curiosity in his voice.

"I'M AFRAID OF HEIGHTSSSS…." Mel wailed out. She stopped in shock, just aware of what she said.

"Oh no" she whispered.

"Oh really?" the grin Saruman wore nearly made her attempt to try and claw her way through the ceiling to relative safety.

She needn't have bothered, Saruman did that for her.

One minuet, against the ceiling, the next flying upwards at a rate that defied logic, screaming curses all the way.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Okay then….not as funny as the others I suppose. Slightly more serious. Next chapter, MUCH fun I promise! After all, Mel has to have some revenge now doesn't she?


	5. 5

People I am BACK! Would you believe I contracted amnesia and thought I was a penguin? No your not that stupid. I have no excuse, but I bring you the next chapter anyway! Everyone give a big round of applause to Aelimir who's review got me up off my arse. As a reward to all you people who have waited so patiently I give you not one, not two, not four but three, yes THREE new chapters. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Some strange noise, steadily increasing in volume, drifted on the wind. It seemed to be getting closer and closer, fast.

Wailing, it grew to almost unbearable pitch, screeching worse than the damned in hell.

WHAM!

It cut off very quickly, emphasised by a low inaudible groaning.

A blue haired head peeked up, blinking in the light of the rising sun.

The body twitched slightly, protesting in movement. A hand shaded her eyes from the sun's rays as she looked out to see where she was.

Eyes saw the distant hill of mountains, snow capped and awe inspiring as the sun glowed golden behind them

Wind buffeted her face as she grinned at the sight.

"WAHOO! I'm outside! I'm free! I'm….ugh!" She spat next to her, grimacing.

"Bloody bugs"

Mel leaped to her feet, feeling ready to dance, leaping towards the distant chance at freedom.

"Stop child!"

Something grabbed hold of her shirt, yanking her back roughly, and with good reason. For a brief second, beneath her feet was nothing. Down miles below the ground seemed to move gut wrenchingly, tiny moving figures looking like ants.

Mel's eyes grew impossibly big and she started gibbering in an altogether disturbing way.

It came as a shock to feel someone slap her cheek relatively hard. Her eyes blinked, focusing again on a person. Without hesitation WHACK! She belted the person one as well across the face.

"What the HELL was that for!" she screeched, jumping to her feet, hand raised again to slap the person a second time.

"Please child, I meant no offence"

"No OFFENCE!? You bloody slapped me across the FACE for gods sake! What way am I meant to take it? !"

"No no, it was necessary I'm afraid"

"NECISARY!? What? You commonly stroll up to complete strangers and sock them one?! That it?"

"Child, please…" The person was fast loosing patience.

"You were in a state of psychosis"

Mel blinked, lowering her hand slightly.

"Sooo…you slapped me to bring me out of it?"

The person nodded, deciding to leave out the part that it was more than one slap before she returned to normal.

"Man….you certainly stronger than you look" Mel mused, massaging her cheek.

The person decided to change the topic of conversation quick, before suspicion aroused.

"And who are you?" he asked.

"Me? Gee, no ones asked that since I got hear." She sniffed slightly, wiping away a fake tear.

"I'm Mel, quit looking at me like that!"

"The person tried to look innocent.

"Like what?"

"Like digimon man does!"

"Digimon man?"

Mel rolled her eyes.

"Forgot, its all medieval hear."

"Medieval?"

Mel sighed, aggravated.

"Forget it, you wouldn't understand"

"Wouldn't understand?" the person repeated again. Mel nearly growled.

"What are you? A bloody parrot!?"

She glared at the man, then realised he seemed to be laughing silently to himself behind his beard. Laughing, most likely, at HER!

"What's so funny?" she asked huffily, arms crossed. 

"Never mind"

She rose an eyebrow.

"Never mind?"

"I have a question to ask, Mel, if you'd be so kind as to answer?"

Mel shrugged. "Go ahead, shoot"

"Your not from around hear, are you?"

"Guess you could say that, yea"

"What are you doing hear?"

"Haven't a bloody clue"

The man looked at Mel curiously.

"Your doing it again!" she whined, a sulk in her voice.

"What am I doing?"

"Looking like bloody Saruman does when he's trying to figure me out!"

"Saruman!" he all but spat the words out with contempt.

"Ah…I see you know him"

"Yes I do, what interest does he have in you?"

Mel shrugged again.

"How am I meant to know the workings of another, most possibly insane man mind? I'm not a psychiatrist you know"

"Your not telling the truth"

"What? You DO think I'm a psychiatrist"

"Your trying to change the subject" The man pointed out, patiently. Mel sighed and sat down, in the middle of the tower centre and clearly not in view of the ground.

"You want to know? first, what's your name"

The wizard chuckled again at this. Before answering.

"My name is Gandalf, Gandalf the grey"

His ears caught a comment under Mel's breath. Something about a bond, James bond. 

She sighed.

"Okay, ill tell you what I know, but its not much. Saruman's bloody secretive about the whole thing…. Annoying bastard……" That was meant to be said quietly but Gandalf heard it anyway, and had to suppress a sudden chuckle.

"……Anyway, the orcs don't say much, they usually avoid me, except a few who aren't too bad I suppose, even helping on occasion, often unwittingly but still…I'm getting a bit sidetracked hear…"

Gandalf just stared In open mouth shock. Orcs? Mel didn't realise the surprise on his face that seemed to increase with every word.

"……from what could gather from eavesdropping and the occasional snatches of paper Saruman was studying at the time…." a grin crossed her face at that "…boy was he pissed when he found out they were gone. Course so was I , gone that is, I'm not stupid enough to hang around and get caught, but George was there and tolled me about it.."

"George?" Gandalf interrupted faintly. Mel didn't seem to acknowledge the strangled edge that appeared in the old wizards voice.

"Yea George. Not his actual name but it's a helluva lot easier to say, and he doesn't seem to mind it."

"George is an orc!?"

"Yea…so? Sure he desperately needs a dentist and face lift but he's actually not to bad once you get to know him"

"Your friends with ORCS?!"

"Friends? Hell no! Not exactly. I bribe them with the pipe weed I manage to lift, they help me out in return. Not friendship but it works!" she added brightly. Gandalf just stared in his state of vague shock/horror. Mel ignored it.

"…what I managed to gather together is a spell gone major wrong, and in a language like that, what would you expect? My guess is he either wants me around still because through me he might find a clue of what did go wrong with it, or he's just charmed by my 'astounding personality' " the last was said with much sarcasm.

She looked over at the silent Gandalf.

"Erm…you might want to close your mouth before a bug flies in" she suggested.

Gandalf silently complied.

"Sooo...what did you do to piss off old wizard boy?" she asked, not liking the sudden silence. Gandalf gave a start.

"Pardon?"

"Your up hear, I'm guessing you did something bad"

"I did not!"

"That's what I said too, but does he listen? Nooooooo!"

Gandalf looked at the child gravely.

"You do not understand the severity of the situation do you child?". Mel thought hard about this.

"Nope, not really. And I'm probably glad too"

Gandalf shook his head in bemusement.

"So, child. What did you do to earn your way up hear"

"Didn't run fast enough"

"Pardon?" Gandalf wasn't sure how much more surprise he was going to get today.

"I didn't run fast enough this time. Usually I'm around five rooms away before they try looking for who's responsible. They give up after a while if they cant get me. You'd be surprised how many places there is to hide around hear"

Obviously a lot more surprises by the rate things were going now.

"And just why were you running?"

Mel grinned.

"Many things"

She started rifling through her pockets.

"I've got a list hear…some ware. Cant usually remember all I plan to do, bad memory and all…hear!"

She thrust a slightly tattered looking piece of paper at Gandalf, who took it reflexively.

With a glance at Mel, his expression unreadable, he unfolded the page and began to read.

"Walk behind people, making whoop whoop noises

Cover person with whip cream and silly string

Stand behind teachers and breath loudly

Egg the….hear the word principle is crossed out and replaced with 'wizard boy' "

He looked at Mel strangely.

"Hadn't done that one yet"

Gandalf continued reading.

"Beep like a truck whenever someone tries walking backwards

Stand in a lift full of people and slap head, muttering about the voices to shut up" Gandalf couldn't make heads or tales out of that one.

"Yea…that list is slightly old. Half of it I was planning to do back home, but I improvise"

"Teach the orcs about strikes!"

"Hehe…Saruman had a bit of trouble there. Couldn't get them working for a while, until he agreed to their terms. Personally I wouldn't of sold myself at the level of food and ale, considering they got that anyway, Meh, you win some you loose some"

"Rearrange the furniture stuff

Pull objects along with hidden strings?"

"Yep, now theirs a crazy idea going around that the place is haunted" Mel couldn't stop grinning.

"I wonder how it started" Gandalf stated idly, continuing on with the list.

"Gee…I wonder"

"Sing annoying songs….do I want to know what they are?"

Mel instantly launched into one.

"Iiiiiii…like big butts and I cannot lie, you other brothers can't deny, when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get…"

She was cut off quickly.

"How are you still alive?"

"I'm trying to figure that part out myself, and until then I'm going to exploit the fact that so far I'm not deceased"

"More the worse for everyone"

"My thoughts exactly!"

"Its true.."

"Pardon?" Mel looked at Gandalf confused, not at all understanding what brought about that comment. He motioned to her shirt, which still stated '_There is a fine line between genius and insanity, I have erased that line'._

"Oh…..you called me a genius!" Mel looked delighted. Gandalf looked taken aback. He meant the insane part, but chose not to mentioned it. Mel looked like a happy kitten in the middle of a mouse farm, clapping her hands and bouncing on her feet, until she remembered the heights.

Gandalf was then witness to exactly how fast one can go from mid air jump, to flat on the stomach, virtually hugging the floor. Even he was amazed at the speed that it occurred.

Mel was back into the state of wide eyed terror, nearly at full on psychosis babbling.

"Mel…I don't mean to give any ideas hear, but I might have some useful tips that might come in handy"

Gandalf really didn't think it was natural for peoples moods to change that quickly, let alone normal, but it had gotten Mel's attention. She was now sitting across from him, paying rapped attention.

"Lay it on me Gandy"

Though he hated to think of the consequences for Mel to what he was about to suggest, at least it was a way of securing his own hand in revenge, and Saruman was going to have a hell of a time. One hell of a time. He might even ask the lady Galadriel a favour to see the results in her mirror, if he survived.

********************

Mel tucked the new improved list back into a pocket, smirking.

"When do you think they'll let you off Gandy?" She asked for conversation. He shook his head in answer.

"I do not think….." he thought for a sec, before changing what he was going to say. "Not for a while yet. How long do you think you'll be up Mel?"

Mel shrugged.

"Until it occurs to them that they have a well known trouble maker who's limits are as of yet unknown mingling with a prisoner that would most likely want revenge, and since your quite old and more knowledgeable about things…well the results will be considered unpleasant" 

There was a brooding silence, in which the sound of a very loud curse reverberated from within the tower.

"That should of just occurred to them then, I'm guessing"

*********************

Mel squealed happily as her feet touched solid ground again, once she opened her eyes and started to breath normally.

"I'm FREEEE!" She cried out, jumping forward, arms outstretched. She latched onto the closest thing and hugged it tight.

"Gerrof me!" it protested loudly, trying to pull Mel off. It only made Mel cling tighter, grinning madly. 

Saruman seriously thought hard about the wise ness of his choice, letting the Girl down again. It was such a temptation to leave her up there, he had enjoyed the peace and the orcs certainly appreciated the lack of insane girl running around. Mind you it was quite entertaining to watch the current Orc dance about madly in an attempt to try and shake of the Child, who was refusing to let go.

He had to admit she was doing an outstanding impression of a stubborn barnacle, but his patience were wearing thin.

"GIRL!". 

She let go of the orc quickly, flopping to the floor in an ungraceful lump, trying to look innocent. It was amazing how quickly she could change expressions like that. 

"No more foolishness from you, or it will be your last" he threatened, voice dead low. Mel gulped audibly, clambering to her feet.

"Alright then, then by your leave I wish to retire back to my room, if I may?" she asked, hesitant to all and out run. When Saruman, looking slightly strange at the sudden formality in Mel, nodded in affirmination, she walked calmly out of the room.

Saruman nearly grinned in glee as he hear her footsteps suddenly speed up into a bolt. Maybe she would listen this time around, though he doubted miracles.

*********************

"WAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHH" THUMP!

"Back again I see" Gandalf said in the way of greeting. "What is it this time? Your fourth visit?"

"Fifth" Mel answered, picking herself up and brushing herself off.

"What was it this time?"

"Wizard boy bloody walked into the slick area. Seemed a bit miffed at falling flat on his arse"

"I wish I could of seen it" Gandalf chuckled. Mel sighed wistfully at the thought of a camcorder. 

"Yea…but at least you have the thought" There was a reflective pause as both thought of the incident, which was quite funny to picture, or in Mel's case, remember vividly.

"You really ought to stop coming up hear…"

"Its okay...I bribed the orcs again with pipe weed to let me down" She wrinkled her nose at the mention of smoking. "Cant stand it myself"

"But still…" he trailed off as a bundle of the stuff suddenly landed in his lap. He looked up at the smug looking Mel.

"Thought I might help" she shrugged, as if randomly tossing weed to all powerful wizard prisoners with overly large noses were a common occurrence.

"I thank you Mel, but unfortunately I have no way to.." he instinctively duck suddenly as a clay pipe went flying at him, landing next to the pipe weed.

"Its amazing what you find just lying around" she stated, picking at her nails in a bored manner.

"Yes, especially in Saruman's private stash I bet too"

Mel looked at Gandalf in wonderment at such an accusation.

"Why sir, are you accusing me of illegal petty theft? AND from the courteous benefactor who has taken it upon himself to care for me out of the goodness of his heart?"

"He's not hear you know, no need to go full on"

"Yea, but I got to practise, get into the habit"

"You seem to have it down well"

"Do I? All the better for me then"

"And the worse for Saruman, not that I think he doesn't deserve it"

"Yep"

"Incidentally, Why do you need to practise?"

Mel grinned her now trademark grin, the one others have learned to watch out for and pray it wasn't they who was the target.

"Well… I'm starting to get ready some of those, delightful suggestions you made"

"Ah, and you don't want to appear the cause, am I right?"

"Quite"

"Do you have a light by any chance on you?" Gandalf asked, gesturing to his 'borrowed' unlit pipe.

Mel 's face fell instantly. She kicked at the ground hard.

"Knew I forgot something!" she cursed herself, hopping about, cradling her injured foot. She had GOT to remember she wore only socks. They sure as hell made her silent when walking, but also made her rather prone to sliding about erratically when trying to run. Through practise though she was getting quite good at it.

"Its alright Mel…" he said, puffing happily on the now lit pipe and shaking slightly in mirth. She gaped at him, mouth open in shock.

"How did you…."

"It seems, even without the aid of my staff, I still have a little magic left in these weary old bones"

The look on Mel's face was priceless to see. 

"And now that's over, I can continue on with what I was going to say"

Mel pulled a face.

"Jesus, you got a good memory for an old guy. Course I'm basing this off my grandpa, which isn't saying much for the dirty old man"

"Mel"

"What?" she asked, looking innocent again.

"Don't try to distract me"

"I do that with everyone, what makes you so special?"

"Your trying to avoid the subject hear"

"Am I? How rude of me. I wont do it again"

Mel all but glared at the wizard as he coughed something under his breath. Something sounding suspiciously like 'doubtful'.

"As I was saying before. You really should stop coming up hear deliberately. I will be fine without your presence for a few hours"

"What makes you think I'm up hear to see YOU?" She demanded, arms folded and looking like a three year old about to have a temper tantrum.

"Because, Mel, in the passed thirteen hours you have gotten yourself thrown up hear a total of five times, when before you have been hear over three days and pride yourself in not getting caught once. Now then, what would cause you to suddenly be able to get caught so readily? And with each time having something that you have thoughtfully 'borrowed' for my benefit"

Mel looked genuinely angry now, face turning red in both fury and embarrassment.

"LOOK! If you don't want me interrupting you and your _obviously _busy schedule , then I bloody well WILL just leave you alone to rot on this god forsaken hell tower! Will _that _make you happy?!"

"No need to be so angry. I don't want you being punished to try and help me"

"Punishment? HA, im fine"

"Oh really? Whenever your up hear your scared half to death. I know you do not mean to show it but your terrified"

"What you talking about? Its great up hear, all the air, sunshine….bugs" she grimaced at that last part, swatting a particularly bothersome one.

Gandalf shook his head. 

"You cant look at anything without starting to shake, and you refuse to move from your spot or go any wear near the edge"

"I get air sick easy, do you know how nauseating it is being thrown up a mile or two in the air half a dozen times?"

Gandalf rose an eyebrow in question, that look on his face.

"What do I do to show I'm okay? You want everything to be on the up and up? FINE!"

She jumped up from her spot and stalked to the edge of the tower, looking down at the trees being uprooted below, glaring still. She whirled around, arms crossed, staring defiantly at Gandalf.

"SEE!? Fine, happy, okay. Want me to try tap-dancing on my hands maybe? Will that help? I'm fine up hear. I'm okay! Nothing to worry about. And now it appears I have to leave again! You better appreciate that pipe I nicked while I'm gone or I'll pound your arse!"

******************

On solid ground again, Mel collapsed to her knees, trying hard not to kiss the floor. She suddenly bolted from the room, hand over her mouth, running through the orcs with one hand out, much like a rugby player would push others aside.

"MOVE OUT THE WAY! I'm gunna hurl!"

A path cleared quickly enough at those words, and record time was made.

Above Isengard on the top of the tower, Gandalf was enjoying his pipe good enough, once again reflecting over how strange that child was. He wasn't fooled, he knew she was dead scared of heights, but he certainly didn't know she'd go to that extent to prove otherwise. Most unusual, but certainly entertaining. He couldn't help but like Mel somehow, she sort of grew on him, and the stories she tolled of her exploits were always welcome. He was quite touched at her not too subtle attempts to try and make him feel less depressed about his predicament, and her embarrassment on being found out was good for a laugh. He didn't doubt he's be seeing a lot more of her again, especially if she was going to try even half the stuff that was suggested.

If only there was someway of getting off this blasted tower and warn others of Saruman's treachery. Frodo needed his help and guidance, the ring needed to reach rivendell, Saruman and Sauron must not get their hands on it, and now, something else wormed its way onto his to-do list, something quite unintended but unquestionable. Mel, the child. To help her as well.

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	6. 6

Like I promised, the second chapter up in a row.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Mel yawned loudly, blinking her eyes sleepily from her curled position next to a bookshelf in the very corner of the room. Being awake previously for a little over thirty six hours really took its tole on people, and fatigue was finally starting to catch up to Mel. She hated it, but it just wouldn't go away, though that strange drink that seemed to be a combination of bourbon, coffee and some type of energy drink really perked her up. It tasted worse than it sounded.

She should really go get some, but she couldn't be arsed enough to get up from such a comfortable spot. Actual her shoulder was twisted oddly and she had discovered just how bony a neck was when against a stone wall, but these minor inconveniences only seemed to keep her more resilient to getting up.

Mel wondered slightly if it was day or night right now, but decided she really couldn't be bothered caring about that, wasting precious energy spent on doing sweet stuff all.

Mel blinked slowly, her eyes not wanting to open again, but she forced them open, only to have large eyes peering back at her.

"WAAARGH!" Mel attempted new world record to climb mid air failed spectacularly, and she landed back on the ground with a thud, her head clunking noisily against the wall. She didn't even notice, instead content on glaring at the Orc standing in front of her.

"what?!" she demanded, not feeling her best at the moment.

"So your not dead after all! Found you lying hear, not moving. Thought old Dregnug had finally done you in"

"Hardly, but you might want to still call the funeral arrangements, there IS going to be a body hear after all" she growled out, clambering to her feet and looking as threatening as a half dead teen can look.

The orc looked confused at her.

"What you on about?"

"Never mind" 

One problem in this new place, Mel had found out, was that death threats were not recognised with references back to where she came from, which was quite frustrating in the end. If you went about threatening someone, they should at least have the curtesy to know what exactly you were threatening them with.

"What do you want Charlie?" she asked, suppressing a rather loud yawn but not succeeding well. The sight of a persons back tonsil's weren't that pleasant, and Charlie looked away hurriedly.

"Nothin, just wanted to see if you were dead or not, you sure looked like you were…." he looked her up and down "…still do" 

"Yea, well its known as insomnia. Not a very pleasant sight"

"That's for sure"

Mel made a face at him.

"Oh that was so funny I forgot to laugh"

"That makes you slow then as well"

Mel blinked slightly.

"Where did you suddenly develop a sense of sarcasm?"

"You'd be surprised what others pick up when they're around you"

Mel nodded sagely.

"Ah"

She grinned suddenly, causing Charlie to flinch instinctively.

"I teach well then"

"To those who are smart enough to listen, yes"

"Wow, your good"

He bowed slightly.

"I try"

Mel yawned again, covering her mouth with her hand as she looked around.

"Say, do you have any of that weird drink stuff on you?"

"What drink stuff?"

"You know, the kind that burns slightly but makes you feel as if you can play the harmonica while tap dancing on a pole surrounded by lava and not sweat a drop?"

Charlie was slightly confused by this but got the general gist of things.

"You mean Orc draught" (Help me people, I haven't a clue what its called really, so for now its going to be called that)

Mel shrugged. "Most likely"

"Where on middle earth did you get your hands on that?" 

Mel grinned again.

"I have many….many…" she fumbled slightly for the word. "WAYS, that's it, ways!"

"You need sleep, that's what"

Mel poked her lower lip out and pouted like a child, folding her arms.

"No I don't!"

"How long have you been awake? Twenty four- twenty five hours?"

"Thirty seven, and that's beside the point!"

Charlie shook his head exasperated.

"You can barely stand!"

Mel was about to protest but just then, she stumbled back into the wall. To give her due, she bounced back rather quickly.

"Well, so what? Ill be fine, if I can get some more of that drink"

"I'll go get some!"

Mel frowned slightly at the eagerness in his voice. The look on her face reminded her of something, something important, or at least worth noting. Her tired mind strove to remember what it was, even as Charlie returned and handed her a cup of the drink.

Without hesitation she gulped it down, before realising what was so noticeable about that look. It was the look she got when an idea suddenly came to mind, a mischievous idea. The look of a predator laughing at the unwitting victim.

The cup dropped from her hand as she just realised this, eyes wide. She glared at Charlie, who was doing a fare good impression of her Cheshire cat grin.

"What did you D" before she collapsed, snoring hard.

**************

Mel awoke again, groaning slightly. She twitched, trying to think properly. Something important happened, something about….about.

She sat up, eyes blazing, ready to kill with her bare hands. She looked down at her shaking hands, and gaped.

"Why those low down, rotten, mean spirited…..where the HELL did they get this from!?"

Mel was decked out in full on Saruman gear. 

Robes, her hair dyed white, a stick just her size for a staff, even a beard. 

She tore the beard off bad temperedly and jumped on it empathically, pounding it with her feet. She even had the same type of SHOES, she suddenly realised.

What on earth!?

Mel heard muffled sniggering, as if multiple people were hiding close bye and trying not to give themselves away.

She all but growled to herself and stalked over to the sound, stick in hand. She threw open a pair of doors and entered a room hiding a few alarmed looking orcs.

Mel growled at them, glaring such evils that one was quite surprised to notice he wasn't a pile of ash on the floor.

She waved her stick about, robes billowing out dramatically, looking very much like a mini Saruman in a rage.

"How DARE you!?" she screeched out.

One orc stood forward, smirking slightly, completely confident.

"And what are you going to do about it?" he asked, arms crossed. Mel's eyes flashed strangely, the stick was raised.

******************

Mel looked slightly better at the pile of unconscious orcs in front of her, a satisfied look on her face. Each one would wake up head to foot covered in bruises, and some other nasty things. To put it bluntly, they had been beaten to a bloody pulp, and weren't going to wake up any time soon to realise this fact.

She noted, with a scowl, that Charlie wasn't among them.

"Wondered what all the screeching was about"

"Speak of the devil" she murmured to herself, before turning on him with full fury.

"WHAT did you think you were DOING!"

Charlie looked rather nervous now, eyeing the stick/staff in her hand warily. If she had managed to take out six others with apparent ease, he didn't think his chances were all that good after all.

"I didn't do it!"

This stupid, desperate and all together plain blatant lie did a quite surprising thing. It stopped Mel for a second.

"Explain" was all she said, Charlie all but jumped to comply. The look she had was not one to mess with.

"All I did was help you sleep, you needed it, you really did. What THEY did was after I gave you that drink, and nothing to do with me at all"

"So…you had nothing to do with…with" she gestured to herself to make the point clear. Charlie shook his head furiously.

He breathed a sigh of relief as the stick/staff was retracted to the position of a walking stick, and not held ready to swing at him.

Mel glanced quickly inside of the robes, and sighed happily. She tore off the outfit in one tug to reveal her normal clothes underneath.

"Those twisted, feeling perverted FREAKS!"

Mel let out a war scream and jumped at the nearest unconscious orc, looking quite happy to pound into him with her feet.

Charlie winced slightly, and decided that, despite not caring a rats arse about his fellow orcs, he really didn't think his dreams would like what he was going to see if he didn't step in.

"All right, I think you've extracted revenge enough on them…they should be alive to suffer the consequences you know, or it defeats the purpose"

Mel didn't seem to hear him.

Charlie rolled his eyes and grabbed Mel by the shoulder, halting her. She stopped then, much to his relief, before whirling around and decking him flat.

"THAT'S for drugging me"

Charlie rubbed at his sore eye slightly, before bouncing back to his feet. He waited for more, but nothing came.

"One hit? ONE hit that's it?"

"Why…would you LIKE more?"

"No…but usually.."

"Usually I haven't just beaten a bunch of idiots stupid, have I?"

"And what a fine job you did their, though I see someone got a hit in" he motioned slightly to the red mark on her forehead.

"Hell no! those idiots were to preoccupied trying to dig through solid wall to escape to try and fight back. That's where I hit myself when swinging the stick around"

"You hit yourself?"

"Yea….to tell the truth I'm a pretty cruddy fighter. Why do you think it took me so long to bloody knock them all out?"

Charlie looked at Mel in a new light, one that showed no amount of respect at all, but rather a strange morbid pity almost.

"So you virtually have no clue as to how to fight?"

"Aside from the little I've been taught, act like a maniac and scare them off. That usually works around hear. Luck helps as well"

"Yessss….yess it does"

"Course if any were smart enough to stick around and fight back, they'd beat me easily"

"Too bad no one's that smart"

"Lucky for me, that excludes you of course you know"

"Of course"

Charlie shook his head, motioning for Mel to head for the door.

"Isn't there some type of chaos you can spread some ware?" he asked.

Mel's face brightened.

"Thanks, I forgot about that!" She ran off, before appearing again a few seconds later. "Oh, and if one of them wake up any time, could you tell them thanks for the shoes and stick?"

*********************

The scene played out in something, something transparent as someone watched curiously.

Like a TV Screen, What just transpired with Mel was playing out like a sitcom of some kind, being watched intently.

The edges of the screen faded out and wavered, as if whatever the screen was made out of bore a strong resemblance to mist.

"Strange" a voice mused to itself, as whatever it was continued to watch Mel.

***********************

Mel skipped along happily in her new shoes, glad she no longer had to slide around so much with just plain old socks. Now she hadn't a clue of what to do.

Running a hand through her hair, she suddenly remembered something important.

******ten minuets later ********

"Hiya Saruman old buddy old pal"

"What do you want?" Saruman resisted the urge to put his head in his hands, instead optioning to continue writing and hope she would go away on her own accord. 

"Erm, you wouldn't have any types of dyes handy would you?"

"And what would you want them for…no, don't answer that, I really don't want to know, and leave that alone"

Mel stopped her idle search through a pile of papers, dropping her hands by her side quickly.

"Sooo, do you have any? Preferably blue?"

"No I do not, and I wouldn't touch that if I were you"

Mel quickly jerked her hand back from a bizarre looking skull sitting on a shelf.

"Erm…okay, you know where I can get some?"

"No, and don't even think it!"

Mel looked hastily away from Saruman's staff.

"Do you possibly know how to make some?" she asked pleadingly.

Saruman finally turned to face her, not looking as if he was willing to help.

"I would not help you even if the fate of all middle earth would be damned as a result"

Mel looked slightly hurt at this remark, pouting like a small child. 

Despite himself, Saruman almost felt ashamed at the heart broken look Mel portrayed as she turned to leave.

"By the way, why is your hair white now?"

The look Mel gave him would of frozen hell over.

******three minuets later********

WHUMPH!

"….ow…."

"Saruman in a mean mood this time?"

"You think?" Mel asked, painfully pushing herself off the hard floor she was slammed against.

She rubbed the bridge of her nose, wincing.

"How are you faring Gandy?"

Gandalf shrugged, puffing a bit on the pipe he still had with him.

"Can't complain. I was getting a bit worried about you though, haven't seen you in a few days. Thought something might of happened"

"Aww…you care about me, how sweet. Wait a minuet, a few days?! How long was I out of it!?"

Gandalf looked at her, puzzled, but no answers were forthcoming.

"What did you do this time, may I ask, to get exiled up hear?" he asked around the pipe he was still puffing at.

"Spilled some ink accidentally over some documents he were writing. Didn't seem to happy about that, but more importantly, I came up hear for an actual reason. I have something to ask"

Gandalf gestured for her to go ahead.

"Do you have any blue dye? If not do you know how to make/find any?"

"Ah, that explains it"

"Explains what?"

Gandalf pointed to her hair.

"Someone got the better of you?"

Mel only scowled in answer. 

"Unfortunately I do not have any dyes on me, nor anything that can make such colours"

The angry dance Mel suddenly demonstrated was only matched with the number of curses spewing forth from her lips, some that Gandalf was quite glad he didn't understand.

He waited for her to calm down, puffing out a few smoke rings idly as they drifted away on the breeze. Mel seemed quite awed at the one that looked like a screaming eagle as it dispersed.

"But I might have an idea of how to return your hair to normal"

"Really? HOW!?"

"Unfortunately my memory of such things was not as it once was, I cannot help you at the moment I am afraid"

Mel silently tossed him around a handful of pipe weed. Gandalf scooped it up and in a flash, it disappeared some ware into his robes.

"Thanks for that, my supply was running a bit low"

"So…has your memory suddenly been jogged miraculously?"

"Actually, no, but don't think it matters"

He pointed to her hair again and to her delight it was once again blue. Her happy dance was surprisingly similar to her angry dance, excluding the obscene language of course.

Gandalf grinned to himself underneath his beared.

"Oh yea! I forgot. I nicked these as I went flying, don't think Saruman noticed at the time. Thought you might like something to read"

She dropped a few sheets of parchment into his lap as she danced passed, before tiring and sitting down again, beaming like a small child.

"I do believe you'll try to send me a kitchen area next, or a feather bed"

"Im working on that one as we speak"

Gandalf laughed, the first time in a long time. He still chuckled as he began to read the parchment, but his face turned deadly serious quickly. 

Mel's cheerfulness dimmed as well when she saw his reaction.

He scanned through the words quickly, shaking his head with despair.

"What's wrong? You look like a star wars freak who just witnessed Chewbacca's death". Having a family of freaks leads one to say strange metaphors, especially when based off your older sibling. On the plus side she knew, theoretically, how a hyper dive was meant to work among other useless trivia facts.

"Do you realise what these words contain?"

"Nope, not a clue, I only know two languages, English and bad English"

He hurriedly gave the parchment back.

"Saruman must not know you have these. As soon as you can, return them to where they came from. No one must know of this. If Saruman had even a small suspicion you had but glanced at these papers…."

He left the words unsaid, leaving it up to Mel's imagination, and considering what it could think up, Mel was suddenly very nervous.

"What do they say?" she asked nervously, holding the papers limply as if it was a dead fish, a long dead fish. A long dead fish that looked ready to bite her hand off.

"It is best you remain ignorant"

"Ah, the old ignorance is bliss thing? Gotcha"

Gandalf gave her a grave look.

"Do not try Saruman's patience. What he is planning….what he is…..what he is capable of, the consequences for your actions would not be pleasant"

"Well, things certainly took a morbid turn"

" Mel, I do not want to see you hurt, not by Saruman's hand." Gandalf looked indeed sincere about this, enough to stop the sarcastic retort dead in Mel's throat.

"But…but...that means my revenge!" She looked downcast at her feet. Gandalf took this as an agreement. He should of known Mel better, or at least notice the wiry sneaky grin Mel was wearing at the time. 

*********************

True to Gandalf's command, Mel returned the papers quick as anything as soon as she could, leaving Saruman non the wiser.

Now she was wondering about, whistling slightly as she carried her bag along with her.

She had dug about in her bag and, much to her shock and delight, found some sherbet of all things in her bag. They had disappeared fast, and now Mel was feeling super happy. She also had a strange look in her eyes and was skipping about fast while whistling. Whistling the mission impossible theme song at twice the normal speed. 

She was feeling happy, she wanted to do stuff, fun stuff. Mel grinned and bounced along fast.

"Funfun"

****an hour or so later*************

Mel curled up in a ball, arms hiding her face, truly wishing she was dead, or she certainly would be if caught.

"THERE you are!"

"WARGH!" Mel nearly fell off the top of the bookshelf she was balanced on. Her arms still grabbed onto it and she used the shelves as steps to regain her position and looked down.

"Oh….hi Charlie"

He waived slightly, grinning madly.

"Your officially the most wanted person in the tower right now, you know that?"

Mel groaned.

"Don't remind me"

"What possessed you to do it?"

"Sugar" came the muffled reply.

"Really? Sugar makes you do that?"

"No, sugar makes me hyper, hyper makes me do that"

"Where did you get sugar?"

"Found some in my bag"

"Well it led to some most surprising outcomes. Most of us think the part where you rigged the entire library to send all those bookshelves falling in a chain reaction was brilliant" He chuckled in memory.

"Took a while to get Saruman out of that mess, wasn't too happy about it"

Mel hid her face again, paling slightly.

"Or how you covered him with your stringy stuff until you couldn't fully see him. He scared half of those fellas he met half to death, thinking some bizarre monster had arisen from the deep"

He shook his head slightly, grinning madly.

"By the way, there's an official search party out to hunt you down now"

Only a slight sound, sounding a lot like 'unnnngh crap', showed that Mel was listening and not liking what she was hearing.

"Don't worry, Saruman's not with them. He's still trying to get his staff down from where you stuck it to the ceiling"

"And the part where you tipped that mix of flour egg and water over him as he went passed was really very funny" Another Orc piped up from the doorway.

Mel looked ready to loose it when the hole in the ground stubbornly refused to open beneath her.

"Don't worry, were not hear to turn you in" the new orc reassured. 

"If we did that, all the fun would end. Were actually hear to hide ya, us and a few others"

Mel gaped in surprise. 

"After all, who would make the day so entertaining for us if you were gone? Someone needs to bring that stuck up wizard down on occasion"

**************

Saruman growled to himself, glad that no one was present to watch his current predicament. He wasn't sure his pride and dignity could survive it.

Saruman, all powerful wizard, highest in the order of the Istari, High ranking servant of Sauron himself, was currently jumping up and down like an eager little kid in a rather lame attempt to retrieve his staff that was firmly duck taped to the ceiling. No matter how hard he jumped the ceiling still remained a stubborn four meters out of reach.

His attempt to gather the staff using magic had failed spectacularly, something he still didn't quite believe.

He consoled himself by planning what he would do to Mel once he got his hands on her, something that sent him grinning and muttering in a strangely deranged manner. The more disturbing fact of how Mel got it up there in the first place still remained unanswered.

He also wasn't that comfortable covered in some strange sticky string stuff and that gunk she had tipped all over him from above that door.

Right now hunting parties were searching through the tower to try and track that little…little…wrench down. No one made a fool of Saruman and got away with it!

He was at his wits end now, that child was uncontrollable.

The painful throbbing of a tell tale headache coming on again worsened his temper. Before that girl had arrived, headaches were almost non existent in his life, now they appeared on average thrice a day.

Just wait until he got his hands on that girl!

Until then, Saruman had to content himself with trying to reach his blasted staff! 

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	7. 7

Part of the bargain, the third in a row. Count it that's THREE!

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Mel looked around at a land hidden by dense fog. The place seemed to glow with an eerie light, giving off a sickly grey hue.

__

Aw, not this place again!

She kicked at where she estimated the ground to be, since she couldn't see much in the fog let alone her feet.

"Of all the god damn son's of bitches places to be!"

She shivered, hugging herself slightly. The place was eerily cold, and something seemed to be watching again.

Out of the top ten tourist places Mel wanted to visit, this was not even on the radar. Mel did not like this place. It made her uneasy, extremely uneasy. She would go as far as to say it scared her bad. Mel did not like to be scared.

**__**

I hear you….

She didn't care if it was a dream, it scared her all the more because then anything could happen. There was no thing as impossible in a dream, nothing made sense, and SHE wanted to be the only thing that didn't make sense. Trying to compete with the dream world was nigh on impossible.

**__**

I sense you….

And then there was the really uneasy cold feeling she got in this place from before. It was oppressive and heavy, she could almost taste it. It sent her teeth on edge and her throat into a spasm when she tried, causing her to reach.

"Ugh…not trying that again" she noted to herself, shuddering.

**__**

I'm coming for you….

And the demonic sounding voice that came from all around was really starting to grate on her nerves. At least that was a new feature this time around.

She gritted her teeth and tried to ignore it, instead deciding that moving would be a good idea.

Something sounded behind her, as if something was creeping up on her and trying to be silent.

__

Moving right NOW would indeed be a good idea she duly noted, before bolting forward suddenly.

For some strange reason, Mel got the impression she was running through a bog, backed up when her foot caught on something and sent her flat into the ground. Something mushy and oozing, very much decaying she could guess. The scent of rotting matter assaulted her nose, and Mel very nearly did throw up this time around.

She felt the presence of something loom up out of no wear behind her, something distinctively not nice. Mel slowly, hesitantly turned her head to look at it. Her eyes widened in fear and she let out a piercing scream.

***************

Mel bolted upright fast.

WHAM!

Only to be back down again seconds later. She clutched her forehead and groaned slightly.

"Owie…not nice…..don't wanna try again"

True to their word, which surprised Mel no end, the orcs had indeed helped her hide. To be exact at the very top shelf in a cupboard, way out of reach of anything at orcish height. It also hid her from view quite nicely. 

The thing that had floored her so easily was the cupboard top, and Mel decided not to try head butting it again any time soon.

The cupboard seemed to be working, no one had found her yet, though she had found out the long way how often the supplied below her were used.

The snatches of conversation she overheard were great for passing the time, and blackmail if the need should arise.

Mel froze as someone entered the room.

"Look, there's nothing hear" one voice pointed out, sounding bored.

"But I could of sworn I heard a noise" another countered, looking around the room suspiciously. Mel cursed her head silently.

__

Knew this thick skull of mine would land me in trouble.

"Its probably just Saruman above with the prisoner"

"He's caught that girl?"

"No, the other one. Old bloke, big nose"

"ooooh" the second said, suddenly understanding.

"You mean he got his staff down?"

"Apparently"

"How'd he manage that?"

"Haven't a clue. Isn't talking much and any that were watching at the time just end up laughing when its mentioned"

There was a pause.

"I wonder how it got up there in the first place"

"You should know by now that whatever that loopy girl does shouldn't surprise you"

"Your right there"

The two turned to leave, voices slowly fading away.

"Take for example that time in the kitchen. All she was doing was cutting up some fruit, nearly ended up burning the place down. Now by all accounts that shouldn't happen, it shouldn't even be remotely possible, but the brat somehow did it"

"I wonder how she does that"

"I wouldn't want to know"

Mel was in near hysterics in her hiding place, one hand over her mouth the other holding her painfully aching ribs. They felt as if they would burst with the effort not to laugh.

Her mind tried to make her aware of something, something that might have been important. What was it? She froze in sudden realisation.

"Gandalf"

****************

Mel was sprinting through the halls, not giving a damn if she was spotted. She skidded through a door, spotted the stairs, and without hesitation bolted up them faster than thought possible.

She burst into the zapping 8 ball room, looking quite dramatic in doing so. She glanced around hurriedly, spotted the window in Saruman's study room. The one she called study room six.

Her face was suddenly glued to the glass, peering out and trying to see. It was dark, night-time. She couldn't see a thing. 

Mel cursed, hitting the windowsill hard with frustration.

She stood back and jumped slightly on the balls of her feet, not sure of what to do. Like lightning, a single thought entered her mind.

"The balcony"

She nearly bolted again, but paused for a sec when something caught her eye. A hat and a staff was leaning inconspicuously against the wall.

A grey pointed hat and a knobbly looking wooden staff. 

It clicked in her mind.

She grabbed them and ran, heading to what she hoped was the general direction of the balcony.

Someone up there must of liked her, she found it quickly and ran out into it, stopping. She looked up the long long way to the top of the tower, hoping she could see _something. _

It was a full moon that night, and the tower was illuminated with its soft white glow.

For a brief second, a figure seemed to hang over the edge, feet barely touching the towers tip. Mel held her breath.

It was gone again in a second, and Mel caught the very slight sound of something impacting hard with the tower roof.

__

They're up there, they're fighting. 

Something seemed to dim the moon's glow for a second. Mel glanced at it and gaped. The silhouette of a huge eagle was there briefly, before disappearing in a flash.

"the bat signal!"

She couldn't help but start to grin. She saw the bird circle the tower, someone leaping onto its back from above.

It suddenly dived, heading for her. Mel readied herself. She only had one chance at this, she couldn't afford to make a mistake. It got closer and closer. Mel steadied herself, eyes on the target.

Finally, NOW!

She hesitated a second, before hurling the hat and staff at Gandalf.

She winced at the small THUNK 

"OW Valar damnit! In the head!"

The eagle snagged the prize in its claws, since Gandalf was cursing a blue streak and didn't seem to want to catch his property. Mel noted that a few choice words he used were somehow familiar.

__

I'm a bad influence, I taught a wizard how to curse worse than a sailor. Man I'm good.

They were there briefly, and suddenly they were gone, skimming over the land. They flew quickly, fading away fast, until they were gone. Free.

Mel laughed like crazy, clapping her hands, applauding them.

That was until she remembered the height.

"URP!"

"HEADS UP!"

A small, distressed wail drifted up to Mel's ears from below.

"Ooooh, right in the face. That one is going to leave a stain"

"You can actually see that far?" Mel asked, without turning around.

"Hey, our eyesight may not be as good as elves, but were sure as heck better than man's"

"For your information, I'm not a man! I'm a woman!"

"Yea yea…better get away from there, before you hurl again. I don't think those below would care very much for a repeat performance"

"I suppose so…." She edged away from the balcony, happy to be back inside.

"What are you doing here Charlie?"

"There was some talk of a crazy running around the place. I though I'd better get to you before Saruman does"

"Awww…you care. What's the catch?"

"I help you, I get immunity from your pranks, We both win"

Mel nodded.

"Yep, that's about it"

"We'd better get"

Mel followed without question, walking along quietly. Her black clothes helped her blend in easily, and Charlie had to glance back often to make sure she was actually still behind.

Finally the silence was broken.

"Why didn't you go?"

"Hu?" Mel looked up in surprise.

"You had your chance to escape. Why didn't you?"

Mel shrugged.

"Eh, I'm not THAT desperate to leave. Like hell I'm risking my neck by jumping onto a bird using steroids"

"Your risking your neck by staying hear"

"Naaah, at least this way I can still get wizard boy"

"You are a lunatic"

Mel bowed slightly, grinning.

"Why thank you"

*****************

The picture of Mel and Charlie walking along the halls of Isengard wavered slightly, rippling almost. It faded away and another picture appeared. One of Gandalf, flying still, passing snow covered mountains, approaching the borders of a dense forest. That picture too faded out, dispersing away like fog.

*****************

Mel skipped along the halls of Isengard, ginning smugly. She had something up her sleeve.

She should have been hiding but Mel was up to something, something important, and she didn't give a stuff about being caught at the moment. Of course she took precautions, making sure no one was there or back tracking if someone was. No need to take unnecessary risks now was there.

Mel peeked into a room and spotted a likely target. Was alone, seemed gullible, also looked mean as well. Oh well, couldn't win them all.

Mel sidled up behind the orc, hands behind back and pulling off a face that showed innocent, manipulative and damn well almost evil all at once.

The orc must of heard her coming, because he turned around quickly.

"Hey, aren't you that girl that everyone is after?"

Mel bowed.

"Indeed I am"

"What are you doing hear?"

"Talking to you apparently"

The orc seemed a bit miffed at that.

"I wouldn't act so smug if I were you"

"And if I were you I wouldn't have anything to be smug about"

"What do you mean by that!?"

"Nothing, nothing at all"

The orc growled, he was really beginning to hate this kid.

"Now look hear! I could easily go turn you in, and then you'd be in trouble"

"Wow, did you think that up all yourself? You must be proud"

"Now wait just a minuet! did you just insult me?"

"I haven't a clue, did I?"

"I think you did"

"Strange, didn't know you could think, wadda ya know you learn something knew every day"

"There you go again!"

"What?"

"Insulting me!"

Mel put on a shocked look, with a dash of outrage added for effect.

"I never.."

"You did!"

"When?"

"Just then!"

"No I didn't"

"Yes you did!"

"No I didn't, just then I said 'I never' and unless you are a very strange orc who thinks saying 'I never' is insulting, then I never did!"

The orc by now was feeling slightly confused. Of course HE had never heard of Monty python or watched it continuously, so he was at a bit of a disadvantage in this situation. Mel was having much fun.

"Look you annoying pest, you did insult me before, you called me stupid"

"I did not, you just called yourself that. Though I might agree with you"

The orc blinked, thinking on this.

"You just did it again!"

"Did what?"

"Insulted me!"

"I was just agreeing with you. Are you telling me that if I agree with you on something because your right, it automatically means I've insulted you?"

"Yes….I mean no, wait…."

Mel was grinning her trademark grin now, looking _very _smug.

"YES!" The orc finally all but shouted out in answer. Mel applauded him.

"Bravo! You finally got it"

"Your mocking me now aren't you?"

"Took you long enough. That makes you slow as well as stupid you realise?"

"I am not stupid!"

"Prove it then! Translate this if your so smart!" Mel slapped a piece of paper into the orcs hand, on it were what looked suspiciously like nonsense squiggles copied out from some of Saruman's scrolls.

The orc resisted the urge to crumple it up and shove it town the teenagers throat.

"It says urk-hei. There!" He handed the paper back, looking slightly smug, arms crossed.

"THANKYOU!" Mel cried out happily, before running off out of sight, looking quit joyful. 

The orc was left behind, blinking in shock. He had a sneaky suspicion that he had just unwittingly been tricked into helping that brat.

"Well damn"

**************

Mel paced along in the room with the cupboard, thinking furiously.

"So that's what had Gandalf so shocked. Man, if there was something I could do…no, no don't try it. Don't even THINK it, Gandy wouldn't of been so insistent if it wasn't something really bad. Really really bad……..how bad can it be? I mean, I've lived through the hell of children's programming every morning. Nothing can be worse than THAT!"

She shuddered, cringing.

"Oh gawd! I'm getting flashbacks"

She massaged her temples, willing the image to go away.

"Evil image, evil image"

__

Oh stuff the thinking, that wall over there looked suitably hard and inviting. Mel dived for it rugby style, desperate to get the singing, dancing tellitubbies out of her mind. 

She ran into it hard, falling to the ground hard, dazed. Her vision was swimming and so was the image in her mind. 

The tellitubbies wavered, blinked, and changed. 

Now they were singing, dancing orcs dressed like ballerinas.

Her howls echoed through Isengard eerily, echoing out into the distance.

**************

It was surprising to note, that despite her very vocal opinion on the matter of Broadway cultural orcs, Mel still remained yet to be found. Apparently the screaming had froze everyone with shock, in which time she had a chance to slip back into the cupboard before a flood of orcs searched all over the tower to see her being murdered and cheer it on.

Mel gritted her teeth and waited impatiently from her shelf for the search to die down. She was kept distracted from the time as the orcs in her head gradually changed from swan lake to the ketchup dance, the ketchup song echoing in her mind. She moaned softly and covered her head with her arms, cursing her god awful rotten luck to have such a _persistent _imagination.

Gradually all the hubbub died down, and Mel reflected on the night so far. Quite interesting really.

She pulled her bag out from where her feet kept kicking it where she kept it hidden. Stuffing it under her head, she used it as a pillow. A rather bumpy jagged pillow that seemed to have something poking into her ear, but a pillow nother the less. It reminded her of home.

__

Home a wave of wistful longing churned in her stomach. She was beginning to miss her mum and older brother and younger sister and that old crazy who sat on the deserted bus stop every afternoon and threw coins at the pigeons. Yes, that man was very funny to watch on boring days, especially when he ran out of coins. Then out came the toffees. Ever seen a bird try to fly with toffee clogged feathers? It sent her giggling to no end.

She missed home. 

She forced her thoughts to more pleasant things…like what she was planning to do. That sent her grinning happily as she settled down to snooze a bit.

Even so a tear made its way down her cheek slowly as she tried to sleep.

******************

It was day now, and Mel was wandering around again. Not many orcs were up now, something to do with the whole not liking the light thing. The tower gloomy dark interior didn't often have very much sunlight shining through, so light wasn't very much a problem, it had more to do with the fact that most orcs were nocturnal, and therefore liked to sleep during the day. This fact seemed to have slipped the minds of those Mel came across in her wandering, meaning she was sent diving behind objects/ through doors/ act-like-a-statue-and-pray quite a few times. She was getting quite good at it.

Right now she was skipping along a deserted hallway, feeling a song coming on. She opened her mouth to sing when.

WHAM

"…OW…" she looked at what hit her. She was met with a stomach. She looked up, up again, saw what it was and nearly fainted.

"oh……fudge….."

Mel could hazard a guess at what was so dangerous about the urk-hei now. 

__

Looks like a G.I. Jo gorilla gone mouldy. 

The urk-hei seemed to growl down at her, a clawed hand reaching out to grab her.

"Who are you!?"

"Just leaving!" Mel answered, turning tail and moving her arse out of there fast.

*********************

Mel somehow came across Charlie again, who was rather startled by her actions. After listening, he led her back to the cupboard with firm instructions to stay put while he tried to puzzle out the meaning of 'urk……big……evil…muuuung' with rapid hand movements.

It seemed clear that whatever it was, Mel wasn't a big fan of it.

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	8. 8

Just for kicks I decided to add a fourth. Enjoy!

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Mel's wrists shook slightly as she picked up the bottle and carefully tipped it into a large mug. The liquid mixed in with what was already there, giving it a strange almost muddy look. The now empty bottle was placed back in line where a lot of other bottles rested, various shapes and sizes, each one drained slightly of whatever its contents.

Mel examined the mixture within the large mug carefully, slowly picking up a spoon like thing and stirred the concoction in a precise manner.

Tapping the spoon like thing gently on the edge of the mug, she placed it down again and carefully eyed the slowly swirling liquid. Mel nodded, satisfied.

"Whats that?"

Mel jumped at the sudden question, nearly spilling the precious substance. She sighed, exasperated.

Charlie merely watched, curious.

"A bit jumpy aren't we" He commented. Mel pulled a face.

"I am not at all accustomed to have the wits literally scared out of me by some gym junkie look alike"

"Still about that Lurtz character?"

Mel shuddered.

"I guessed as much…..what's that for?" he nodded at the strange brew in her hand.

Mel glanced at it.

"This? This is for that nerve-racking encounter. it's a family recipe, good for three things. Hangovers, body jump starts and eating away stomach lining"

"Oh, enjoy then"

Mel lifted it up as if toasting.

"Cheers" She gulped down a mouthful, and promptly sprayed it out again, coughing and gagging.

Charlie wiped away some of the spray from his face with a sleeve.

"Oh how lovely" he grimaced.

Mel was much content with reaching up nothing, looking quit pale.

"What was in that?"

"Anything vaguely non poisonous in liquid form, including those eggs at the back of the food shelf"

Charlie winced, he had a more accurate idea of just how long they had been there.

"I wasn't so sure on the stability on that smoking purple stuff from Saruman's weird collection, so I only added a drop or two of that"

"You ARE crazy"  
Mel plonked the mug onto the table again, unsure about what to do with the rest of it. Leaving it would be a good idea, and hope it doesn't grow intelligence. 

"Yea, I figured as much since I got hear"

"And everyone so far is agreeing with you on that"

"Your sarcastic wit is indeed near impeccable". Charlie grinned at that statement, which was slightly unnerving when he had yellow crooked teeth. At least they weren't rotting like other peoples she had seen.

"Oh, by the way, about Lurtz, apparently one of his tasks set by Saruman while he's hear is to try and find you"

"Oh feck"

************************

Mel was not having a good day right now. Charlie was off to wherever orcs lived in this place (Mel suspected some ware beneath Isengard for some reason) fast asleep after Mel threatened him that he went to bed or faced the fist, either way leading the same outcome. Mel looked determined enough to succeed to, fighting skills be damned.

She had just remembered that her family recipe was banned in most states and for a good reason too, and trying it out in middle earth where nothing seemed to resemble Pepsi max in the least, though there was something tasting like, but not quite Dr pepper. That she found very odd.

Right now Mel was peering around corners uneasily, looking out for any suspicious things that resembled at all anything that could be hunting her. If anything would end up catching her finally, it probably would end up being that gym junkie look-alike. Needless to say she did NOT want to be caught, as a matter of principle and the fact that retribution she had learned to avoid. Retribution was not nice, dished out by a vengeful sibling or by an all powerful wizard it made no difference, except probably in the severity of the pain factor which was the part Mel hated the most.

The coast was clear.

Mel sighed with relief and hurried along, nodding to the occasional orc. They didn't seem that focused on actually turning her in, now that Mel thought of it, which was probably why she had stayed free so long. If they did really want to, she wouldn't of stood much of a chance. Oh what cheerful thoughts.

She ha the very uneasy feeling something bad was going to happen, something bad for her, not others. Something soon.

WHUMPH!

"Ugh….not again!"

Things really seemed to like running into Mel.

"Sorry" she apologised to the glaring orc, sidestepping out of his way quickly. The orc continued on, muttering something about pests.

Mel considered petty vengeance on him, but decided against it.

Something grasped her shoulder tight, something large and strong. Mel looked up and behind, face paling quickly.

"Eeep"

Lurtz didn't speak, instead he tugged her off her feet with a sudden jerk and pushed her forward. Mel cursed, she didn't know she'd be caught so quick. This would have been a record.

She was marched along forward, it was either that or forcefully moved forward in less pleasant terms. Three guesses at to which option she chose.

After recovering over the initial shock, Mel tried going left. She was quickly shoved back into line by her escort. Mel thought for a sec, and tried going right, only to have the same repeated accompanied by an annoyed growl. Mel tried going left again, getting as far as before . She was beginning to see a pattern hear.

Move left, stopped, shoved back in front.

Move right, stopped, shoved back in front.

Move left, Stopped, shoved back in front.

Move right, stopped, shoved back in front.

Regular as clockwork. Me was beginning to time it. The Uruk-hei (Thank you for the correction DeeSarrachi and Sadira-Black I owe you one! And the others who also commented. Great to know you's care enough) behind her didn't have to try anymore, instead just going on automatic. It became a routine.

Pause, reach arm out, shove back roughly.

Pause, reach arm out, shove back roughly.

Pause, reach arm out, hit nothing.

Mel had ducked under the timed arm, and ran passed back the way they came as fast as possible, giggling her high pitch giggle. It was drowned out by a god awful roar of rage.

Mel nearly screamed, running faster than previously thought possible. Fear of giant alien bodybuilders was a real motivator apparently.

********************

A lone orc walked mumbling to himself along the hallway. He didn't like being run into, not at all. The relative peaceful silence was shattered, the orc whirled around to see what was wrong.

"OUT THE WAY!"

WHUMPH!

The orc was bowled over after not heeding the advice given, having a total of three seconds to comply. Mel kept going, shouting back a hasty sorry as she skidded around a corner and disappeared out of sight. The orc had time to blink in surprise, before flying through the air again and colliding with the wall, Having been thrown aside by an angry lurtz for being in the way. This was just NOT his day today.

**************

Mel skidded through a doorway, glanced behind her, yelped, and proceeded to run faster. The Uruk-hei was still gaining fast.

She tried to back-pedal when she saw the gaping stairway leading down to the level below, then remembered who exactly was behind her.

Eagerly Mel ran and leaped into the air, the floor sloping downwards beneath her rapidly. She felt the breeze as claws tried to grab at her, tearing into the back of her shirt.

She let out a whoop of victory, she was out of reach! Her victory was short lived as gravity caught up with her at the worst possible time. 

Mel saw the ground very far below, the very hard looking ground at that. She braced herself as it came closer rapidly, looking eager to break a few bones. She curled into a ball and closed her eyes.

"This is gunna hurt"

I'd like to point out in this point in time a rather funny thing. The drink Mel made earlier had in fact not grown any life forms, luckily, but it had been discovered by someone passing bye. Curiosity got the better of him and he tasted the strange liquid. This resulted in a rather funny dance from the victim as the properties in the cup did very strange things to people changing from species to species…actually he was flailing all over the place in panic and looked like he was choking to death, but all in all it still looked strange. This would concern the story a great deal less if it weren't for the fact that in panic he bolted from the room and ran downstairs to find something to wash the taste out of his mouth. Finding such relief he sighed and trundled back towards the stairs to go up again, wanting another look at that drink, only to be knocked flat on his arse and back as something large and 'heavy' collided with his chest.

On the plus side, Mel had found something safe to land on, even if it wasn't the feather mattress she was praying for.

Ml groaned and rolled to her feet, wondering why she could still move when everything felt broken. The orc that was lying dazed on the floor was thinking much the same thing. Mel recovered fastest, up on her feet and limping away fast for a hiding place, hobbling along as her body tried to realign itself. 

CRACK!

Ah, now she could stand strait again. That helped greatly in her speed factor, and by the time Lurtz was barely a quarter way down the stairs, him deciding he wasn't loony enough to try and jump them like Mel had, she was already out of sight.

*****some time later************

The room was dark, light barely filtering in through the doorway as something large blocked the entrance, sniffing the air slightly.

It looked cluttered, full of odds and ends and covered in dust. Obviously nothing had been in hear for a while.

The massive figure sneezed slightly, irritated by the dust drifting through the air.

Nothing moved in the gloom, nothing stirred.

The figure growled to itself and stalked off loudly.

In the room, something twitched slightly, twitched again, before what looked like a hat stand of sorts covered by a blanket began to contort about in a most alarming manner. The blanket was thrown off to reveal a flustered looking Mel, gasping for air.

"Bloody hot under there"

She relaxed back against a bookshelf that obscured her mainly from view.

"Third time he nearly found me" That wasn't a comforting thought, not at all. Not when she had to stay statue still for what seemed like hours while the creep wandered about, especially not when that hiding place was in a laundry chest once. Mel guessed it was the laundry chest as it was full of clothes, dirty clothes.

She was nearly sick at the thought of it. She swore that he took so long just to deliberately keep her in there! She swore she would of died if she stayed in it any longer.

For now she was safe, safe-ish at least, but she knew she couldn't keep hiding forever. 

__

I can bloody well try a stubborn part of Mel stated, but was quickly crushed by her logical side as it had pointed out the very many flaws in that idea.

She had to stop that freak somehow, but how? She wasn't getting tired of running or anything but by the way things were going sooner or later she would get caught.

That's when her mind remembered its extensive knowledge of movies, of the protection from home invasion kind. More specifically home alone.

Mel's eyes lit up as she began to examine in the room what would be useful, looking very much like a mad scientist. Oh she was gunna enjoy herself…and if she got caught at least it would be for a good reason, IF she got caught that is. 

*******************

A few of the people wandering the tower at this time of day were slightly disturbed by the sounds of things being dragged about and stuff being assembled. The evil sounding chuckling that accompanied it wasn't at all reassuring and most avoided the area. They had learned the hard way about Mel's pranks, and by the sound of it this one was big.

The sound of something crashing to the ground with a squawk of 'MY FOOT' Followed by some vulgar swearing however brought chuckles to a few who heard.

It also drew the attention of someone else, he had heard for quite a while but had taken his sweet time in tracing the noises.

Mel looked slightly proud at the construction in the middle of the room. It was hard to tell what exactly it was, but it looked quite rickety and ready to fall at a moments notice. Its appearance was that of a giant magpies nest, full of junk and bits that no one really wanted to know how it got there and were quite surprised it managed to actually stand.

Mel suddenly noticed Lurtz in the room and eyeing her rather strange contraption.

He probably was rather surprised when she whipped out a paper bag , looking like she made it herself, and started breathing in to it very rapidly. He took a step towards her, Mel froze. He took another step, Mel stood behind her rickety contraption   
The uruk-hei did not look impressed.

He easily side stepped the 'whatever' and stalked towards Mel. all too late he noticed her gleeful Cheshire cat grin that appeared for a brief second, Before his feet flew out from under him on the slippery wet floor.

Mel winced slightly as he fell. To give the guy his due, Lurtz did an impressive flip before landing on his back hard.

"Oooh, nice form, but a bit rough on the landing. You may have to settle for the bronze" 

Lurtz answered with a roar of rage that sent Mel's teeth on edge. She 'eeped' to herself and ran down a hallway close to her, the one the Uruk-hei didn't come down.

Lurtz got to his feet, and promptly slipped again, this time doing the splits. Mel looked behind her at him, at the other end of the hall by now, and nearly was sick with laughter. The expression on his face was priceless.

Third time he was lucky, he didn't fall down. Out of the wet area, he stalked towards Mel, speeding up until it was a near dead run at the girl. He felt something tug at his legs and break, weak, small irritations. He glanced down at it quickly and saw string. String? Was she trying to trip him?

SPLAT!

The string triggered a catapult like system, sending a glob of…something at him. He ducked it easily and continued to chase Mel. Something else went flying at him, and another. Soon the air was thick with stuff being hurled at him. A heel of an old boot managed to clonk him one right in the head. He barely felt it and just ignored the flying objects.

Mel watched, open mouthed. It looked like a scene from Indiana Jones out there, with darts flying at him from all directions. Unfortunately these weren't poisonous, and the 'Jones' was cheating majorly by not getting bothered for being constantly hit by the stuff. And he didn't seem that keen on keeping the prize, more like beating it to a bloody unrecognisable pulp.

Mel was not keen in sticking around. 

Damn, she tried so hard on that one too, even raiding the orcs laundry chest for some of those boots, which was why she was stuck in there hiding in the first place.

Mel skidded around a corner, did a few skipping steps for some strange reason, and continue to bolt for freedom.

Seconds later, Lurtz pounded around the corner after her. He reached out an arm, almost grabbing her shirt collar, but something made him pitch forward and slammed into the ground. 

Mel whooped in delight, NOW she had tried to trip him, and succeeded, giving her precious moments in getting ahead again. 

Lurtz bared his teeth at the ground, face still smashed into it. This was beginning to get repetitive, and vexing. He was starting to get the sneaking suspicion the floor had a thing for hurting him, but choose to ignore it. 

Mel skidded to a stand still before she slammed face first into a jumble that was blocking the path. Up at her shoulder level was a largish hole through the obstruction to the other side. Without hesitation she crawled through it head first, feet disappearing just as The Uruk-hei made a grab at them. His efforts were rewarded with a left shoe that looked strikingly similar to that of Saruman's.

He puzzled over this for a moment, before trying to ram the barrier down with his shoulder, nearly sending it toppling down on the first hit.

Mel jumped and backed away from the pile she had painstakingly arranged, cursing her luck. Of course the giant heavy builder would try to ram it down, and not go through the hole. Had to use muscle instead of mind. Arrogant Jerk.

So much for the plan of disabling him by the glass on the floor. 

"Oh you sadistic bastard Murphy!" 

As if to reply, the pile of junk shuddered again, teetering over the edge. Gravity seemed to take its own sweet time in trying to topple it to the ground. 

Mel decided to add a hand into the matter and ran at it, slamming into it and bouncing back off. It had the desired effect of tipping the pile back in the other direction, the danger of collapsing averted for now. 

Mel got off the floor, and staying around only long enough to flick off the face that was peering through the hole, turned and ran.

The obstruction did not survive a third hit.

*************

Gandalf sat in the picturesque looking rivendell, looking out through a doorway into the valley below, mesmerised by the waterfall.

"there is a matter you wish to speak to me about Gandalf?"

"Ah, my dear friend. So good to see you. I have some strange news to say, concerning a matter at Isengard"

Elrond rose an eyebrow.

"Did we not already discuss the treachery of Saruman?" 

"Indeed, but there is something else I have not mentioned up until now. It concerns a very strange child"

Thus Mel became known to the lord of rivendell, who was quite shocked, and not a little sceptical on some of the things about this person.

"You do not think this, child, might be apart of Isengard's treachery?"

"No, Saruman was quite mad before she arrived, though his mind wouldn't of improved much with her around. I do not believe she had any ill intent in her, other than childish pranks. Mel is but an innocent person caught up in events out of her control!"

" Your judgement on people is not often mistaken .If you believe it so, then so do I. But she is beyond our reach, we cannot hope to save her, not with where she is"

Gandalf did not at all look pleased about this, though he knew it to be so.

"I fear for her" he finally sighed, looking slightly downcast.

"Do not despair my friend, for if half the things you say are true, Mel can look after herself well enough"

***************

"Help" Mel squeaked, voice strangled slightly. She seemed to be on the receiving end of a slime covered, flour scattered, bruised and battered, thoroughly irked Uruk-hei, which was not the most desirable place to be health wise.

She had made a complete circle and was back in the room with her strange tower like thing, with Lurtz still on her tail. There was a moment there, where he had been locked in a storage room, where she was certain she had won. Then again, now she knew just how unreliable doors are to not being ripped off its hinges.

Now Mel was out of tricks to pull and looking rather nervous at the way Lurtz seemed to be twitching uncontrollably while stalking towards her. In complete and utter malice, he tore down the weird contraption in one tug, sending it falling. Mel dodged the falling debris, and a particularly heavy looking item hit the end of the table, sending the other end up. The drink that Mel had created went flying, soaring out the window and down into the caverns beneath the tower. It landed with a squish in the breeding pit, oozing out its contents. This had a particularly strange reaction to the sludge, sending it a bright, blinding fluro pink. Mel had indivertibly did something about the Uruk-hei problem quite by accident. She would have been proud had she known.

She suddenly noticed something.

"Hey, that's mine!" She pointed accusingly at the left shoe still in his hand. "Give it back!"

Lurtz growled, glaring.

"I'll kick your ass!"

The gorilla on steroids seemed to find this funny, smirking. He suddenly let loose with a flurry of punches, that if Mel hadn't jumped back out of reach, she would of surely found herself on the floor, wondering what happened to all of her teeth. One clenched fist impacted with the wall, sending chunks flying and leaving a sizable hole.

Mel gaped from the hole in the solid rock wall, to the sudden martial arts expert, who's fists still looked eager to hurt.

"LOOK! A chipmunk!" She pointed some ware behind the Uruk-hei. Lurtz turned to look, Mel kicked out. Let it be said that Mel, though one crappy ass fighter, was one heck of a ball kicker. 

"Yoink!" Shoe reunited with its rightful owner, Mel skipped off happily

Mel thought the Lurtz hunting problem quite thoroughly dealt with, for the time being, and went off looking for some more fun, laughing her now well known gleeful laugh. All who heard knew someone, some ware, had come across Mel the wrong way, and were paying for it.

_____________________________________________________________________________________


End file.
